Us against Them mentality at its Peak

Wherever I look, I see memes, articles or quotes telling us not to let THEM get to us.

Most of the time, it is disguised as a motivational message. But in many instances, there is a sense that you need to rise above THEM, whatever THEM is being referenced.

Don’t let THEM get to you.

From sports to gender to political party to religion, we continue to find ways we blame the other side.  Or we encourage each other to be better than the other side.

There is a passage in one of my favorite books. The book is The Oversoul Seven Trilogy by Jane Roberts.  In this book she describes a future in which the women have all of the leadership roles, jobs, in addition to governing. The men are taught that their role is to be the care takers of the children. What struck me, however, was that the character in the book said that the women hadn’t done any better than when roles were reversed in the distant past. In this future they never learned how to really listen to each other and allow for individual expression. Nothing had changed. Roles were just reversed.

We arrive on this planet all made up of the same stuff. We are connected. We have masculine and feminine energies within. And this earth is a beautiful playground which allows us to experience and create and express our individuality. 

Why do we sometimes not allow it to unfold in others? Why do we put people in boxes, telling them who and what they are and what they need to be?


It can also be a way of having personal unresolved feelings projected onto others.

Which brings me to my next point.  Everyone is a mirror. I started learning about this mirror factor over twenty years ago when I was doing some deep healing. I was really mad at someone and started writing it all out in a journal. As I started writing, I began to notice some resemblance . . . to none other than myself.

I realized that I had done the same thing (in some way) to others. There were similarities. If I hadn’t done it to others, I had done it to myself. The person I was angry at was holding up a mirror.  This realization allowed me to practice forgiveness to others and to myself.

Empathy!  It is what is surely lacking so much right now. So quick to blame, point fingers, see ourselves as victims. Is this really helpful?  Would it not be even more powerful if we could learn to put the focus back on ourselves and ask the tough questions?

What is this bringing up for me? What do I need to do? How can I empower myself because my happiness is my responsibility? What would love do now?

I’m not saying don’t get angry. Anger is a powerful mover and shaker. But let’s take that anger and use it in a constructive way, without blame.  During a rough patch many moons ago, I was livid about something that happened. In my apartment, when I was alone, I took that anger and started loudly affirming “I am deserving of….” And I started affirming my new reality and what I wished to experience. It was a powerful moment and it ended up being life changing.

That’s just one example.  The Us against Them mentality keeps us locked in division. It makes generalizations about groups of people and creates preconceived opinions about people without really knowing them. 

To me, awareness is the first step.  Awareness of our own self/reality/beliefs and what we are creating or attracting to us and why.   Not everyone wants to look in the mirror

The next step would be to connect. Listen more and talk less. That’s a tough one for me!  We so want to be “right” that we forget about empathy, compassion, understanding.

And the third and final question to ask is this: What would LOVE do now? Am I coming from a place of fear or love? Even sending love (energy) into a situation is an action and can bring about change.

Not an easy task I’m afraid. But we need to start somewhere.

About the author

Kim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.

Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.

Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.

She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.

Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute

Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.

Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.

"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles

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