I used to be the classic people pleaser. I spent countless moments worried about what other people thought. If somebody thought ill of me, I spent time going around trying to fix it.
I remember in College, a friend started saying things about me, to other friends, that weren’t true. It caused great anguish. I went around telling my truth, hoping to gain community, a sense of rallying around me and my perceived victmhood. Of course it didn’t really work except to make me look desperate. It takes two to tango.
This happens to all of us: elementary school, college years, the work force.
In spending so many years waking up, getting to know me, healing from within, making peace, I have found that when others try and tear me down, I need to take a step back and breathe. It is not MY problem, unless I make it so. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, are tools I use:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best.
It can be easier said than done, but during a very tough time one year, in the work place, those Four Agreements saved me. Knowing that I was doing the best I could, was in my integrity and speaking my truth, I was able to rise above and declare that my happiness was an inside job and noone could take that away from me. It was the most difficult, yet empowering, time of my life.
In other situations, when I’ve been tempted to become defensive, or worry about what others think, I have declared that I am doing my best and it’s enough! I am enough!
Then I get to work, loving on me, and I let go of taking it personally. When someone sends cruelty my way, it says everything about them and I can declare “I wish you well,” as I move on.
I have not walked your path and you have not walked mine. If we can remember that, we might be more able to have compassion and forgive others as we fill ourselves up with love. In this way, I worry less about what you think.