Let go of what other people think!

I used to be the classic people pleaser. I spent countless moments worried about what other people thought. If somebody thought ill of me, I spent time going around trying to fix it.

I remember in College, a friend started saying things about me, to other friends, that weren’t true. It caused great anguish. I went around telling my truth, hoping to gain community, a sense of rallying around me and my perceived victmhood. Of course it didn’t really work except to make me look desperate. It takes two to tango.

This happens to all of us: elementary school, college years, the work force.

In spending so many years waking up, getting to know me, healing from within, making peace, I have found that when others try and tear me down, I need to take a step back and breathe. It is not MY problem, unless I make it so. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, are tools I use:

1. Be impeccable with your word

2. Don’t take anything personally

3. Don’t make assumptions

4. Always do your best.

It can be easier said than done, but during a very tough time one year, in the work place, those Four Agreements saved me. Knowing that I was doing the best I could, was in my integrity and speaking my truth, I was able to rise above and declare that my happiness was an inside job and noone could take that away from me. It was the most difficult, yet empowering, time of my life.

In other situations, when I’ve been tempted to become defensive, or worry about what others think, I have declared that I am doing my best and it’s enough! I am enough!

Then I get to work, loving on me, and I let go of taking it personally. When someone sends cruelty my way, it says everything about them and I can declare “I wish you well,” as I move on.

I have not walked your path and you have not walked mine. If we can remember that, we might be more able to have compassion and forgive others as we fill ourselves up with love. In this way, I worry less about what you think.

About the author

Kim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.

Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.

Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.

She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.

Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute

Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.

Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.

"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles


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