Whether we are talking about children or our own partnerships, sometimes a major reaction/event can be as easy as doing a re-do.
We all get triggered and sometimes find ourselves exploding over little things (in the grand scheme of life). It usually has its root in something much deeper. Possibly a deep seeded belief we have about ourselves. Possibly it was modeled for us so it’s the only way we know how to react. Possibly it’s an issue that has been building and it hasn’t been talked about.
Regardless, in those situations I sometimes find myself walking away so it doesn’t get worse. Then making time to talk about. What did it bring up? What was the reaction really about? Using “I” statements share and really listen to the other side. I can assume they, too, have similar feelings.
Once that is out of the way, one thing that works with students and in my own marriage, is we do a re-do. We go back in time and we try again, this time in an appropriate/safe/loving way. This can even be done via imagery regarding painful events from the past. It’s a type of closure that affirms the new pattern, belief, story and can bring about healing.