Let’s Empower our kids

We all have stories we tell ourselves. Maybe there was nobody there when you were a child so you vow to protect and be there no matter what. The intent is pure and coming from a place of love. However, when we take it too far and speak for our child, blame others or remove them from experiences of growth, we give a subtle message that “you cannot handle this.” This also becomes a learned behavior for the child. He realizes that when he shares situations where he was wronged (actually or perceived), he gets attention and protection. It is a recipe for victimhood. He doesn’t learn how to persevere, show up, speak up, solve, rise above. I am obviously not talking about extreme situations but everyday occurrences that can take place in school or in childhood.

If instead you give empathy (which means allowing them to have their angst) and repeat back to them their feelings, you give them permission to be themselves and have these natural life moments. When you add an affirmation that you believe in them and you give tools, when asked or needed, you empower them to move through life’s challenges and tribulations with perseverance and fortitude. You teach them that they CAN handle it and their confidence, self worth and self esteem can flourish. If I was seriously concerned about a situation and I wanted my child to learn skills for self advocacy, I used to give a heads up to the teacher so she could be aware and help with prompts. In this way, you offer a balance of support and tools so that you are not saving/rescuing and you are not leaving them to their own devices, unsupported.

These are the greatest teaching moments.

About the author

Kim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.

Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.

Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.

She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.

Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute

Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.

Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.

"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles

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