Crucial conversations

How many times have you had an issue with another and instead of going directly to that person, you vented to them or to another? Don’t get me wrong, venting to a trusted source and getting to the root of your feelings is important…but you have to take the next step.

Most of us are dysfunctional in many ways. We learned by example, by trial and error, and we learned how to survive. We have to look at our dysfunctions so that we can see the error of our ways and teach children the healthy way to communicate. At our school we teach young students HOW to talk to each other when in conflict. We teach, by example and by practicing, how to get calm first and then how to have that healthy dialogue that helps problem solve. Students learn how to take responsibility for their feelings using “I” statements. I am thrilled that a generation of students are learning these powerful and important skills.

But we adults must practice the same healthy dialogue! We must! It is easy to rant at another, hide behind a computer, gossip, spread rumors. It takes a lot of strength to look at yourself and how you are contributing to something. It takes a lot of strength to have a crucial conversation with another and share your frustrations or feelings. I hear over and over again how “I just don’t want to hurt their feelings.” But in the long run you are doing more harm by holding it in or getting it out in destructive ways. By being real and authentic, you clear the negative energy, share from your heart and allow an opportunity for healthy dialogue where connection, clarity and true understanding can take place. It also may open the way for the right opportunities/situations for all.

I have learned the hard way that having crucial conversations via e-mail or text does not create understanding. Face to face, from the heart builds relationships and healing and our planet desperately needs more of this.

Yes, it is harder to get composed and share from a place of love than it is to get upset and rant at another. It is uncomfortable. We may have learned it is dangerous to do so. Look at why you do not share your authenticity, your true self face to face…and then take one step today, to be brave. To be an example for our children.

Crucial conversations bring healing and understanding. Talk!


About the author

Kim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.

Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.

Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.

She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.

Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute

Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.

Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.

"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: