Marriage

  Throughout the years I’ve observed many a partnership failing because he/she was too this or that or not enough of this or that. Or simply, because the magic died. We have been together 22 years and I realize that it was never about my partner. It was always about me and my beliefs, thoughts and my expectations. He has always been my perfect mirror, reflecting back to me who I am and who I wish to be. Let’s go back to the beginning.

I created a list of qualities I wanted in my husband – I imagined it, I felt it, and I sat back and waited for it. And I wasn’t disappointed. I met my husband when the internet was just starting to boom. I bought myself a simple computer and was so excited about the possibilities. There were chat rooms, groups, discussions and I jumped in wholeheartedly. It was a new world and I was having the time of my life meeting and talking to people from all over. One day, I stumbled into a pen pal site and started writing to Will. His interests and love of writing, photography attracted me. I was drawn to his love of the arts and it makes so much sense to me now, although I didn’t quite understand it then. His profile jumped out at me and and so we started writing and began our love affair. I was in Boston and he was in Pennsylvania so our long distance romance was short lived. He moved in with me 3 months later. It was a whirlwind, a fantasy and I was the happiest I have ever been. We lived together and later married.

This did not last long. I think in some marriages it is very short lived and with others its longer. But generally the fantasy is going to end. When we meet someone we get caught up in this ideal version/image that we have about our partner and anything not in this fantasy we ignore. We get caught up in the infatuation and it is bliss! Eventually, whatever beliefs we have about relationships or whatever fears we may have are going to come up to the surface. If we believe deep down that people always disappoint us, we will be disappointed. If intimacy/commitment scares us, we may subconsciously push them away or attract a person who leaves us.

Awareness of self and knowing what you want is key.

But keep in mind that there is no perfect person as we too are not perfect. Our partner will mirror back everything we love and despise about ourselves so we can become more aware and heal. Our partner is a gift, one we can learn to accept, without conditions, so we may heal. I have found that every time I pointed my finger at Will, I have learned another thing about myself and what I needed to do to fulfill that within myself.

Happiness truly is an inside job and when I feel this, I am free.

Our marriage is far from perfect but I choose love one day at a time and I choose to spend my life with Will. One thing I often ask myself is this. What would love do now? That has helped me in all of my decisions. Sometimes love means forgiveness. Sometimes love means taking action or no action. Sometimes love means walking away.

The fantasy CAN be brought back any time you want. I remember one time clearly. He was away on business so I decided to go back in time, into my memories. I remembered how I felt when we met and I went into that feeling deeply. I played music, our song, and relived that time together. I got fully swept up in the moment and felt totally in love when he returned. We had a magical moment and our son was conceived.

Fall in love with yourself. Fall in love with your partner. There is no difference.

 

#peforthesoul #thesoulmatespath #shamanicpassagesinstitute

About the author

Kim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.

Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.

Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.

She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.

Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute

Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.

Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.

"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles

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