I have always thought there was something wrong with me. The slightest pang or imbalance in my body would cause such intense anxiety and this in turn would create more physical ailments.
All of our fears and even our wounds can eventually end up in our body. For instance, my stomach is generally the home where my anxiety resides. I have battled stomach issues my whole life. . . from the time I was colicky in infancy to the doubled-over pain that can take me without notice. Years ago, after doing a bunch of tests and finding nothing wrong with me, I was recommended to a Naturopath by a friend. I have had some good experiences with Naturopaths and some bad, like when I was told to take hundreds of herbs and I spent thousands of dollars and didn’t get better.
I eventually settled on a Naturopath who really helped me, and gave me some tools, until it became more of a burden. Deep down I knew that what I really craved was an affirmation that I was OK. I liked the rush I felt when a person listened to my ailments, acknowledged they were real and had a plan of action to heal them. But even more importantly, I wanted to learn how to do that for myself. I wanted to give myself validation and stop looking outside of myself for healing.
As I have written before, I have healed myself at various times in my life doing energy work, affirmation and plain ole love. It was time . . . I was ready to be my own healer and love myself on a much deeper level. I wanted this vicious cycle to stop and so, in looking at the root cause of my pains and issues, I realized it was time to love my anxiety to death.
One day, when I was in a lot of pain and not getting better, I did a short meditation. I imagined a fork in the road. My regular doctor was on one path. My Naturopath was on the other path. And in the middle was neither. After taking a few breaths, I started to walk and the image that came to me was that I was being carried down the middle path. I took that to mean that my greater self would carry me and I needed to trust in myself. I started doing my own kinesiology, I stopped eating sugar and I got better. But even more importantly, I started to literally feel and breathe love straight into my gut . . . I started to feel great compassion and love for “anxious Kim,” and all she had lived through. My anxiety and fear started to diminish and I felt physically good and more in love with myself.
To truly love oneself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to the world. The layers continue to peel. What ails you? Take time to love it. . . Shine a light on it. You may uncover something beautiful.