It takes two to engage in a power struggle. If we are constantly finding ourselves in a power struggle, that is a sign that we must change our behavior in order for the child to change his. Having a plan of action (different than what you have been trying) is most important. Obviously what you have been trying has not worked. What is the issue? Why is your child doing what she is doing? There is always a reason. Does she need some help or tools to help her be successful? And/or is she doing it because she can? These things must be asked and answered. What works is stating the command – or giving a choice — then letting the child know what the consequence will be if it is not followed. It could be as simple as “you may play with the ball in the front yard or the backyard. You decide.” If the child does not listen, you could say “you may play with the ball outside – if you continue to play with the ball in the house, it will be taken away.” If the direction is still not followed, the consequence must be followed through. I have found that this creates peace and empowerment instead of power struggles and frustration.
About the authorKim Hiles (Dancing Feather) was born in Pennsylvania in the 1960s. Her mother was from Germany and met her father while stationed there. The family moved several times before settling in a town called Millis, Massachusetts.
Kim developed severe anxiety and depression as a child and struggled to find her way. Growing up, Kim was told by her grandmother that she wrote beautiful letters and had a way with words. Later in life, this memory would be a catalyst for sitting down and writing her memoir.
Continuing to say yes to life, Kim talks about her struggles of addiction, anxiety, depression and relationship issues, to name a few. She considers it her life mission to help empower others and uses her memoir as a way to offer guidance in living a more authentic life, following your dreams.
She has overcome much adversity and enjoys walking with others as they find their way. Kim has also co-written a young adult fantasy with her husband Will, called Little Wonders. Their pen name is K.W. Hiles.
Kim is a successful Educator, Social and Emotional Learning Specialist, Behavior Specialist, Mediator (Restorative Practices), 3rd degree Reiki Practitioner, and blogs regularly. In addition Kim offers online classes at Shamanic Passages Institute
Kim is considered highly sensitive and intuitive. Utilizing her gifts, her mission is to channel inspiration and healing and help spread some light. Empowering others to create the life of their dreams is the ultimate goal.
Kim is happily married (21+ years) and lives with her husband, son and their animal companions.
"I had a teacher who told us to go out that week and see how many Mercedes cars we noticed. When I came back I told her I had seen a lot! She asked me if I had seen any junk cars. I told her I didn’t remember seeing any. The next week she reversed it and asked us to go out and see how many junk cars we noticed. Of course we noticed a lot but didn’t remember seeing any Mercedes cars. Where is your focus? Is it on the problem or on the solution and more importantly, where would you like it to be?" -- Kim Hiles